KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I heard Someone knocking (knock, knock, knock) just faint ones. I ignored it. Several times I heard them from time to time, but I chose to ignore them. Until one day I peeped just to know who was this so persistent Being knocking so tirelessly.

I peeped by the window of my heart, and I saw Jesus standing just outside its door, knocking so patiently. So I decided to open the door slightly. That was last July 2004. Since that day, He never stopped knocking, louder and louder each time (knock, Knock, KNock, KNOck, KNOCk, KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!) up to the point I had opened the door wide and let Him in.

First, He sent the Holy Spirit to put a desire in my heart to commit to Him . . . I did, half-heartedly. I laid low in my career, I even thought of stopping for a while because this was my biggest hindrance in committing to Him. He made me listen to Don Moen’s songs almost everyday and a refrain from one of the songs kept echoing in my mind (. . . be it unto me according to Your Word, according to Your promises I can stand secure. Carved upon my heart, the truth that sets me free, according to Your Word O Lord, be it unto me . . .).

He sent the Holy Spirit to make me write my stories and reflections and gave copies to people and through them I received confirmations that He was touching the readers’ hearts. He made me buy a book, The Purpose Driven Life. I burrowed my sister’s copy, but when I started reading it, I stopped and bought my own copy, then read it daily and even encoded my reflections after reading each chapter. This book, explained to me so many things. It answered my questions, confirmed to me the things that were starting to happen to me. As I finished it, I realized that the topics of the last chapters, I had already been doing, some I had already planned to do. All these, helped me commit to Him more and more and more.

Second, September 2004, during the anniversary celebration of the Light Of Jesus (LOJ), a transparochial Catholic community, Jesus showed me that it was the family of God where I belong. He touched my heart there and even sent a message through the Gospel of the Holy Mass. Actually, I was guilty of not listening to the first part of it because I was thinking of the worship before the Mass. Then my sister gave me a jolt and told me that the Gospel may be meant for me. When I focused my attention to it, the part the priest was saying was about one had to choose between two master’s because you could not serve both at the same time, and his homily sure talked to me.

Now I thought I had given Jesus my full commitment, until He sent me a text message which had a great impact on me that I cried so much and renewed my commitment with Him, but this time deeper. Even if He will ask me not to have my own family and even if He will ask me not to go back to my career I will obey. It is up to Him. I gave Him my word. Whatever He wants me to do, I will do for Him. This was the fourth knock, and it was a very loud knock.

I thought it was the last. The fifth was on my birthday. I attended an early morning Mass. The Gospel, again talked to me, it was about when Jesus sent the seventy two disciples to be His messengers. And there was another thing, a very important thing, He revealed to me that day that I had to have a willing heart in order for me to serve Him effectively. I must obey Him willingly so He could fulfill His promise to me, that in every unselfish thing that I would do for Him, He would be giving me overflowing joy.

The sixth (well . . . He saved the loudest knock in the last, yes, this was the last), it was The Feast, a Sunday celebration of LOJ. It was still in AFP Camp Aguinaldo. I attended the first session with my eldest sister, her husband, and their daughter. We were a bit late so when we arrived, one third of the first song had been sang. The moment I stood in front of my sit and focused on the song, wow, I was in tears. It didn’t stop there, the following two songs made me cry even more. I was not familiar with the two of them but one was I Offer My Life by Don Moen. Boy, I was a bit ashamed because everybody around me was singing and rejoicing and smiling while I was in tears with my shoulders slightly jolting up and down from time to time as I try to minimize my cry (it was a good thing we were on the side and it was a bit dark there).

When Bo Sanhez, the leader of the community, had his talk, I was calm and I had stopped crying. But, my, the whole message, it was all that Jesus wanted to tell me, it was about Jesus getting into Peter’s boat and telling him to cast out his net to catch fishes and with total obedience Peter did as he was told and the net caught so many fishes that their nets were tearing (Luke 5:3-7). Discipleship, total obedience and trusting Jesus, fishing for people for the glory of the Lord in the vast sea of life, these hit me with a big bang. When Bro. Bo asked all of us to raise our hands and ask God for a blessing that we wanted to have, all I could ask was the courage to trust in Jesus . . . that was all I could ask. That moment all I wanted was for me to trust Him, nothing else . . . and it was granted . . . my prayer was granted. That was such a blessed day for me!

That was the end of the knockings in the door of my heart as God was calling me to commit. After that, Jesus entered my heart as I allowed Him to come in. He dwells in it. I am at peace and I am filled with so much overflowing joy. He tells me what to do, and I obey. He lets the Holy Spirit fill me and transform me. My courage to trust Him gets rattled at times, but immediately I ask for His help to steady it and He never fails me. A friend sent me a classic prayer, which I pray : “Dear Lord, Your will Be Done, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. AMEN.”

-luisadelacruz